There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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