before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
