The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
