dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
