Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize