the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
