so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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