wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
