i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
