Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
