yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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