Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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