the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
