She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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