I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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