I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
