This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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