I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
