When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
