You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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