I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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