Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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