She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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