Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
