Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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