Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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