Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
