The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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