We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
