Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
