I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
