she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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