It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
