Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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