no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
