Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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