Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
