This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
