What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
