I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
