So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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