you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
