chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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