In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
