It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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