guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
