i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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