I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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