If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
