I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I could fuck to npr.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
