One girl and one boy is just not enough.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
