Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize