I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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