Yo dont text me then not text me
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need to align my fucking chakras
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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