I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
