the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize