he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
