We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
