Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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