I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
