if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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