Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
