dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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