Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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