I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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