just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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