she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
