My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
