I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
