My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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