:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
