My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
