Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
