the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
