after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
