The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Drake has all the answers
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
