do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
