just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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